A girlfriend or a thing to be carried over?

7 Jun

It’s sickening how relationships are subject social pressures and expectations – every single one. You become something because it’s socially accepted, and risk losing your sense of self and a chunk of your personality when it comes to finding stability amongst a patriarchal society. As a female in this society, it’s difficult for me to be content with what people choose to label me when I become somebody’s “girlfriend”. I am no longer called by my name. I become this item to everyone.


I’m not saying one becomes a piece of ass (but in some cases this is disturbingly true as well). I’m talking about the lack of complete respect and acknowledgement you hold as an independent female. It suddenly doesn’t matter what you really have to say. You are perceived as is this carry-on, when you’re CLEARLY more than that. All of a sudden, you become less appreciated than when you were single. Why is that? Is it because, as a single woman, you are “up for grabs”, so they “care” more about what the fuck you have to say? It really is detrimental for an independent female living in this world to be subject to these types of social rules and codes of conduct.


Even though you’re the same, unique individual, the moment you “couple up”, you’re not going to get the respect you fully deserve.


“Oh, your girlfriend is awesome, man!!” and “Oh, aren’t you so-and-so’s girlfriend??”



When you’ve been a couple for years, it is assumed that you are SOCIALLY ATTACHED at the hip bone! When the other is not present, a plethora of questions are raised as to where they are:


“Oh, where’s your boyfriend?”


“I don’t know. He has a life too. We’re not the same person. We don’t have to be in the same place at the same time,ALL the fucking time.”


Or, “How’s your boyfriend?”


“Yeah, I’m doing fine; how are you?”


There’s a serious problem when someone’s first question on seeing YOU is, “How’s your boyfriend?” or “Where’s your boyfriend”, before even THINKING about your well-being first.


It is even more horrific when people start calling me instead of “the boyfriend” to get to him. I once explained my loathing to a female acquaintance. All she had to say was, “It’s bound to happen when you’re a couple! I don’t mind it!”

Of course, what she just told me was, “I don’t have much respect for myself, so I don’t care!”


I was in a three year relationship with my best friend, and I decided we had been living too long submerged in the social expectations of coupledom. We had an incredible time together as “a couple” but we realized that we both didn’t want what society had coerced us into becoming. We sacrificed our amazing friendship, passion, and companionship for a sense of stability.


You get put into this mold; A casket of your own true identity. Everything becomes, in a sense, prosthetic so it’s more pleasing to the eye. You can no longer appreciate your time alone. You answer questions you really don’t want to. You accept other people’s annoying behavior (and the loss of your identity) because it’s expected if you are a part of a “couple”.


I can’t live like that anymore.


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